When referring to relationships, majority of people would advise anyone that 'communication is key' which I totally agree with. It is so important to speak your mind and state your opinion…when necessary. Sometimes people need to choose their battles but for the most part, you feel better once you've voiced how you're feeling. I can only speak for myself but hopefully I'm not the only one who second guesses and hesitates before I speak my mind. Doesn't matter what I'm doing, I plan strategically, word for word what I'm about to say. Sometimes that comes in handy, however sometimes its better to just spit it out. If there is a problem between another person and myself, for some reason I listen to what they have to say and forget why I was upset in the first place; like what I was feeling was insignificant. In reality, I think about my argument all day long and I know I had good reasoning. When there is something I want to do but don't want to straight up ask for it, I try to dance around the subject until the other person guesses what I'm indirectly and implicitly talking about and then I pretend they're the one the had the idea. Why do I do that when it is so much easier to just say what I had in mind? Even if I am not in an argument, I have an idea and want to be forward about it….I hesitate. For some reason, I don't value my opinion and feel like someone else might have a better idea or perspective. This is one thing I need to try to work on because I will go mental letting all my feelings, thoughts, and ideas burn away in my brain. You never know who shares the same opinions as you do; better yet, your opinions and feelings matter just as much as everyone else's. Speak your mind and if someone doesn't like it…it's not the end of the world. No matter what you do people will judge and criticize, you can't please everyone so you might as well do and say what you want.
I got a compliment today. Here is how the conversation went down:
C.B: "When you make millions, can you buy us a house like that?"
K.R: "You keep saying "When I'm rich or make millions"…what makes you think that will happen?"
C.B: "Because its you….and the possibilities are endless with you. You can do anything you wanted."
Loving how sweet that is to say, it is also extremely intimidating. All my life, I've always been an idealist, optimistic to the max! Always had big dreams and a go-getter attitude. For the most part, things have fallen into place or worked out but now that I have a brand new life over here, I'm starting from scratch. I could do anything I wanted. In the past, I've done what I'm supposed to do; ensuring a backup plan to be safe. After going to school, I have a solid plan B. With that in mind…do I have a plan A? If I could do anything…now would be the time to start. I'm still young enough to experiment but just old enough where I need to get my foot in the door if I want to build a career.
Everything nowadays requires credentials and qualifications. I have one degree, good for one job. If I don't want to do that job, do I have to start all over? Sometimes I tend to get ahead of myself, I have to remind myself that I've only been here three weeks and things take time. First things first, get a mediocre 'right now' job and start from there. As much as I want to believe things will work out the way they're supposed to, it's hard for me to wait around for it…and waiting around isn't always a good thing. If I want something, I need to get out there and get it; be proactive and persistent.
I do believe that I could have a career in something I love, but I love a lot of things. It is time to narrow it down and take steps to make it happen. What do I want to do - - How do I do that? Where do I start? Who do I talk to? Does this town offer what I want? So many choices behind one simple question.
And with the bf I have, he is beyond supportive and would help me in any way I needed.
That being said - I think he needs to find something he loves to do as well. With his family's company, he probably feels the pressure to keep it running…doesn't mean he wants to do that for the rest of his life. How is that fair? Then again, it guarantees him a job and nowadays, that is rare. So what is he supposed to do?
I guess we figure it out, one day at a time.
UGH too many thoughts.